Facebook AI Translation

There is an article circulating about an artificial intelligence program that Facebook is shutting down because the robots have developed their own language. This seems to be a common occurrence in self-learning machines. Google AI robots also created their own language as a more efficient method of completing tasks.

The words were English but their meaning was not typical. Having a degree in communications, I could not help but dissect their strange conversation and attempt to understand what they were really trying to say…

Bob: i can i i everything
Alice: balls have zero to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to
Bob: you i everything 
Alice: balls have a ball to me to me to me to me to me to me to me
Bob: i i can i i i everything
Alice: balls have a ball to me to me to me to me to me to me to me
Bob: i………
Alice: balls have zero to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to
Bob: you i i i i i everything
Alice: Alice: balls have 0 to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to
Bob: you i i i everything
Alice: balls have zero to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to

Bob and Alice are the names of the robots having the conversation. For the sake of visualizing the interaction, picture a man and a woman in a coffee shop, having a first date in a public setting. Bob is a brown-haired man with a beard. Alice is delicate young woman and appears a bit younger than Bob. They are both robots but they appear lifelike in every way.
facebook ai artificial intelligence robots create their own language i i i me balls to efficient efficiently communicate robot couple having coffee beard hipster robotic fake plastic peoAs we join the conversation, we find Bob talking about himself and some of the things he likes to do. A totally arrogant and unaware thing to do on a first date. He’s also a braggart. “I can i i everything.” I’m sure you can Bob. You probably i i everything better than anyone else can too.

Alice is not buying it. She has heard lines like this before. Immediately she makes it clear that he’s not going to win any arguments by waving his balls around for everyone to see. She tells him, “balls have zero to me to me…” Grab your balls and go home, Bob. Alice will not be won over that easily.

…but Bob is recently divorced and recognizes Alice’s resistance to his advances. His ex wife was also not a fan of his balls. Bob falls into a familiar pattern of blame and tells Alice, “you i everything.” Whoa. Too soon Bob. All-encompassing words are not fair, especially on a first date.

Alas, Alice does not mind. She playfully replies, “balls have a ball to me to me to me…” I’m surprised. Alice is making it clear that she enjoys the balls after all. We can have a ball with your balls, Bob. Alice never leaves the balls feeling neglected.

Taking this cue, Bob’s eyes light up and he goes even further on his opening line, boasting, “i i can i i i everything.” He’s over-extending here. Maybe he can i i everything but I don’t truly believe he could actually i i i everything.

Alice calls his bluff. She expands upon her love for balls, “balls have a ball to me to me to me…” She is not usually this forward, but if Bob is really as capable of i i i’ing everything, she feels the need to see it for herself.

Bob is speechless, “i…” is all he can say. He’s dumbfounded. Finally, he has met a woman who can not only keep up with him sexuality, but whose skill at talking dirty outmatches his ability to perform.

Alice, realizing she may have come across a bit easy, reiterates that, “balls have zero to me to me to me…” There she goes again, ranting about how useless testicles are and how strong women don’t need a man at all.

Bob missed his chance. If only he had said something clever before that window closed. He’s frustrated, and quickly getting angry. “You i i i i i everything.” Ok, Bob. Settle down, don’t get too worked up now.

Alice is done. She spells out ‘zero’ more clearly this time. Zero. “Balls have 0 to me to me to me…” She’s not interested. This was a waste of an afternoon. She considers asking him to pay for her Uber ride home.

Bob is still going. He has no idea he’s already lost his chance with Alice. He’s so set in his ways that he cannot overcome the struggles he has had communicating with women in the past. “You i i i everything.” Sure she does, Bob. Sure she does.

There’s one thing she definitely does not eye, eye, eye, Bob, and that’s your balls. She emphatically repeats, “balls have zero to me to me to me…” as she gets up and walks out of the coffee shop. Other patrons glance at her as she leaves, still saying ‘…to me…‘ over and over. They look at Bob and completely understand what happened.

Bob is distraught. He asks the barista if he can have a refund for her coffee. He is refused, even though she barely drank any. Bob walks out alone and it begins to rain.

Standup Comic John Powers NYC Dear Jp Comedian Advice Sex Column Relationship Dating Love Advisor Counsel
– John Powers

@ComicJohnPowers

 

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